I Didn't Forget About You, Gaza
By Michael Harrison
The Israeli army issued forced displacement orders to Palestinians in Gaza City amidst heavy airstrikes. (Omar Ashtawy / APA Images)
From: https://electronicintifada.net/blogs/nora-barrows-friedman/israel-kills-100-palestinians-nakba-day
I didn’t forget about you, Gaza.
But I did give in to despair
and I didn't want to infect you with it.
I did run out of money
and I could no longer afford to give.
I did run out of words
because I knew they fell on deaf ears.
I still go the marches for Palestine
but not as many.
I still try to tell others about Palestine
but I don't really know what to say to them.
I still believe that Palestine should be free
but I know that my government supports
your occupation, expulsion, or death.
Whichever comes first.
Once, I could never have believed
that Canada, the EU, or even the USA
would support a government
that has killed hundreds of thousands
that has laid waste to a country
and that is openly starving an entire population.
At least...not again.
-
But I misunderstood the nature of my "citizenship"
in this late-stage neoliberal carnival.
I was misinformed about the true disposition of my "state"
as being honest, peaceful and just.
I mistakenly believed that there was some remnant of "democracy"
in our system of elected kingship.
I misapprehended all our self-congratulation about our so-called "values"
to mean that we actually practice these ideas
not simply proclaim them as a justification for murdering people
so we can steal their land, their olives, their ancestors’ graves.
When you're trapped in a house of mirrors
it is easy be confused
by the reflections and the distortions.
Once broken, a mirror cannot be repaired.
It only splinters.
Every shard
a small lie.
Every mirror
a big lie.
-
I never wanted to know
what it was like to witness
refugees burning to death in tents
after being bombed by the IDF.
But now I know.
I never could have imagined
watching an Israeli tank
blowing up cars
full of fleeing families.
But now I have watched.
My worst nightmares
couldn't have conceived
of hearing a terrified young girl
being murdered on air by Zionists.
But now I have heard.
The worst part of all
was the silence.
The unforgivable indifference
of people, friends and family.
The monstrous complicity
of my own country.
The heartbreaking realization that
everything we ever said about ourselves was a lie.
-
There's no comparing my suffering to that of those in Palestine.
But my comfortable illusions were smashed
by those same western bombs
dropped by those same western planes
that destroyed the cities
the homes
and the people
who once lived.
In a way, I was also made homeless.
I will never feel safe here again.
I will never forgive us for what we did
and what we didn't do.
I didn't forget about you, Gaza.
Nothing will ever break my heart like this again.
No matter what happens
I will never forget.
Neither will the world.
I am so sorry.